Last night, Alex, Will, and I had dinner at the home of some new friends. These are people a little older than we are--they have been married for 22 years. Their kids are 20, 17, and 14. They live in a beautiful home, much larger than ours. Alex and the husband have become friends through a group for businessmen held at our church. I had never met any of the family members before.
Alex and I both left with the same impression: We want our family someday to be like theirs. We want our home to feel like theirs.
What was it that made us feel that way? Well, when we walked in, they all greeted us at the door with huge smiles. By "all," I mean all. Both teenagers...and even the family dog. They made us feel so welcome. They insisted we keep our shoes on, even though they were covered with snow that would inevitably be traipsed over their gorgeous marble foyer. They oo-ed and ah-ed over sleeping Will, and the mom called dibs on holding him as soon as he woke up.
When we sat down for dinner, we were like part of the family. They maintained their tradition of a family prayer ending in a sing-song child's verse--they admitted they had been saying that every night since the kids were small. And the dad admitted soon after sitting down that he had Skyped that morning with the oldest daughter who just arrived in Spain for a semester abroad. As soon as he mentioned that, the other three excitedly begged for every detail of the conversation.
As we ate dinner, the conversation was all about us. They wanted to know our story...what makes us who we are. They genuinely acted interested and enthralled. When it came time for dessert, the daughter offered us the end of the peppermint ice cream pie (amazing!) and when I asked if she wanted the last piece instead, she said, "Oh no. In our family, guests come first." I taught high school for 8 years and never heard a kid say that! The son came and offered us frozen chocolate-covered peanuts that are part of their Michigan traditions. He gave us the background story and generously set the precious bowl right in between Alex and me.
I was in awe of these kids who were teenagers who genuinely enjoyed being around their parents and their guests. They all joked together. The kids were interested in Will and never once left to go play a video game or work on homework. They seemed to enjoy being a part of the evening with their parents' friends they had never met. There was a pervasive sense of hospitality to guests and love, respect, and intimacy within the family.
So I'm left with the question: What do I do to make my family like that? I think it starts with core values. What are the things that we do in our family? What marks who we are? If we can focus on a vision, we can work to achieve it. This is the time to define that vision--last night gave us a big head start.
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