Loves, loves balls and Bella
New words: Daddy, doggy, sock, shoes, juice, choo-choo
Animal noises: Elephant, tiger, snake,
Loves shoes...because it means we're going outside which he likes even more.
Stands at the back door and looks for doggies
Loves animal crackers
Running now!
Favorite toys: flashlights, and his water table full of dry penne noodles
Has begun grabbing adults by the hand and leading us where he wants to go.
11.17.2012
10.17.2012
14 months!
At 14 months, Will has one molar and 3 more on the way.
He is walking...all over, all by himself. He really doesn't crawl any more.
He loves his giant giraffe book.
We took our first trip to Brookfield Zoo!
He started library story time.
He got to play in the leaves for the first time and visit his first pumpkin farm (didn't like it).
He is into everything...every drawer and cabinet.
He loves to dance with his musical toys.
He says bottle, Bella, blanket, ball, and dog.
He is getting to be a picky eater, but still loves dried peas, cheese, and yogurt bites.
He is walking...all over, all by himself. He really doesn't crawl any more.
He loves his giant giraffe book.
We took our first trip to Brookfield Zoo!
He started library story time.
He got to play in the leaves for the first time and visit his first pumpkin farm (didn't like it).
He is into everything...every drawer and cabinet.
He loves to dance with his musical toys.
He says bottle, Bella, blanket, ball, and dog.
He is getting to be a picky eater, but still loves dried peas, cheese, and yogurt bites.
10.13.2012
Photo Book
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Photo Book
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Shutterfly baby photo books are the perfect way to preserve your baby's precious moments.
9.17.2012
My Separation Anxiety
Will, my dear Will, is dealing with some major separation anxiety. We started weaning just as I joined a new gym with childcare where I'm taking him twice a week. Somehow the combination wasn't good and sparked this incredible attachment to me.
Let me give you the idea.
I carry him into the grocery store and he begins to cry and cling to me for dear life, afraid I'm going to leave him there.
I leave the room for a second at home to go to the bathroom and he screams bloody murder.
Alex takes him downstairs to play while I make dinner and he cries the whole time.
Ugh.
And this was the state in which we left him with my parents for 48 hours while we went away to Wisconsin. Much to everyone's surprise, Will did great! According to his grandparents' report, he was in a great mood, slept and ate well, and did not cry.
Of course I was happy to hear this. Of course I want him to be able to cope without me. Of course I want the freedom to get away and do my own thing every once in a while. But there is a part of me that is sad, too. I sort of wanted him to act a little more excited to see us when we got him. I sort of like the little hands pulling at my pantlegs and the little legs wrapped like a monkey around my waist. If I'm honest, even though it kills me every time, I even sort of like hearing him cry when I drop him off in the nursery. Not because I like hearing him upset, but I like being loved, knowing he wants to be with me.
This weaning is becoming a bigger deal for me than I would like to admit. I'm reluctant to give up nursing, but for many reasons I will not go into here, I know it is time. I will be sad no matter when it happens...and sooner or later, that day must come.
Our neighbor-babysitter went to college a month ago yesterday. I ran into her mother who reported that Rachel is doing well, studying hard, making friends, having a great time. Such a great time that she doesn't want to come home! She smiled and said she was so happy for her...all she wanted was for her daughter to one day thrive in college, spread her wings, be independent. Then all of a sudden, she got all choked up and started crying. The truth came out as she whispered, "I just feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest."
Oh, man. All of a sudden, I lost it, too. And there we are blubbering on the driveway, dealing each in our own way with that ever-present tension of parenthood. We want our kids to go off on their own, we know that's our job after all, but we just want them to always come running home with a hug and a kiss and an "I missed you, Mom." Motherhood is, as the saying goes, walking around with your heart outside your body. I think mothers always feel a little funny until everyone is back safe in the nest.
Pastor Andy Stanley says we are all created to care about our parents. He says we are all born with a giant bungee cord tied to us at one end and to our parents at the other. No matter how far we stretch the cord, there's always a pull toward home.
I like that. Maybe my job as a mom isn't to cut the strings and let Will one day fly free on his own wherever the wind may take him. I think really my job is just to slowly...and I mean sloooooooowly...lengthen the cord and let Will run a little further, and then a little further, on his own. Someday he'll be able to play in the basement alone, then go to school half day, full day, then go on sleepovers, then summer camp, then--gulp--college. My job is to lengthen the cord and give Will the skills and tools he needs to thrive without me.
The ugly truth is that my end of the cord is tied to my heart, and with each tug and pull, it is my heart that ends up bloody and torn. There is another truth: the truth that when he stretches the cord too far, there's only one place he'll end up. He'll be sprung right back home, right back into my arms, with a hug and a kiss and an "I missed you, Mom." And somehow that single moment heals everything.
Motherhood has already shown me unspeakable joy, and it has already exposed my heart to unbelievable pain. I guess all loving relationships that feed and delight our souls at their deepest level require vulnerability and risk. This is why we were designed to find our total fulfillment in God alone. Humans will always disappoint us, but God never will. Humans, even our own children, are ultimately out of our control, but never out of His. Every day on this earth, as I deepen my love for Alex and Will, I deepen my dependence on God.
So while Will is adjusting to whole milk and time away from me in a nursery, I'm adjusting, too. My little boy is growing up. Time to lengthen the cord. But just a little.
Let me give you the idea.
I carry him into the grocery store and he begins to cry and cling to me for dear life, afraid I'm going to leave him there.
I leave the room for a second at home to go to the bathroom and he screams bloody murder.
Alex takes him downstairs to play while I make dinner and he cries the whole time.
Ugh.
And this was the state in which we left him with my parents for 48 hours while we went away to Wisconsin. Much to everyone's surprise, Will did great! According to his grandparents' report, he was in a great mood, slept and ate well, and did not cry.
Of course I was happy to hear this. Of course I want him to be able to cope without me. Of course I want the freedom to get away and do my own thing every once in a while. But there is a part of me that is sad, too. I sort of wanted him to act a little more excited to see us when we got him. I sort of like the little hands pulling at my pantlegs and the little legs wrapped like a monkey around my waist. If I'm honest, even though it kills me every time, I even sort of like hearing him cry when I drop him off in the nursery. Not because I like hearing him upset, but I like being loved, knowing he wants to be with me.
This weaning is becoming a bigger deal for me than I would like to admit. I'm reluctant to give up nursing, but for many reasons I will not go into here, I know it is time. I will be sad no matter when it happens...and sooner or later, that day must come.
Our neighbor-babysitter went to college a month ago yesterday. I ran into her mother who reported that Rachel is doing well, studying hard, making friends, having a great time. Such a great time that she doesn't want to come home! She smiled and said she was so happy for her...all she wanted was for her daughter to one day thrive in college, spread her wings, be independent. Then all of a sudden, she got all choked up and started crying. The truth came out as she whispered, "I just feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest."
Oh, man. All of a sudden, I lost it, too. And there we are blubbering on the driveway, dealing each in our own way with that ever-present tension of parenthood. We want our kids to go off on their own, we know that's our job after all, but we just want them to always come running home with a hug and a kiss and an "I missed you, Mom." Motherhood is, as the saying goes, walking around with your heart outside your body. I think mothers always feel a little funny until everyone is back safe in the nest.
Pastor Andy Stanley says we are all created to care about our parents. He says we are all born with a giant bungee cord tied to us at one end and to our parents at the other. No matter how far we stretch the cord, there's always a pull toward home.
I like that. Maybe my job as a mom isn't to cut the strings and let Will one day fly free on his own wherever the wind may take him. I think really my job is just to slowly...and I mean sloooooooowly...lengthen the cord and let Will run a little further, and then a little further, on his own. Someday he'll be able to play in the basement alone, then go to school half day, full day, then go on sleepovers, then summer camp, then--gulp--college. My job is to lengthen the cord and give Will the skills and tools he needs to thrive without me.
The ugly truth is that my end of the cord is tied to my heart, and with each tug and pull, it is my heart that ends up bloody and torn. There is another truth: the truth that when he stretches the cord too far, there's only one place he'll end up. He'll be sprung right back home, right back into my arms, with a hug and a kiss and an "I missed you, Mom." And somehow that single moment heals everything.
Motherhood has already shown me unspeakable joy, and it has already exposed my heart to unbelievable pain. I guess all loving relationships that feed and delight our souls at their deepest level require vulnerability and risk. This is why we were designed to find our total fulfillment in God alone. Humans will always disappoint us, but God never will. Humans, even our own children, are ultimately out of our control, but never out of His. Every day on this earth, as I deepen my love for Alex and Will, I deepen my dependence on God.
So while Will is adjusting to whole milk and time away from me in a nursery, I'm adjusting, too. My little boy is growing up. Time to lengthen the cord. But just a little.
9.16.2012
13 months!
At 13 months, Will is walking all over with his walker or another push toy.
He started going to Fit 'N' Fun at Delnor Health and Wellness Center.
He took his first steps!
He can stand by himself.
He is attached to his green crocheted blanket.
He is always asking to go outside or play downstairs.
He loves bath time and playing in the water.
He loves to play with the Dustbuster and vacuum cleaner.
He got his first pair of shoes, suitable for walking!
He started going to Fit 'N' Fun at Delnor Health and Wellness Center.
He took his first steps!
He can stand by himself.
He is attached to his green crocheted blanket.
He is always asking to go outside or play downstairs.
He loves bath time and playing in the water.
He loves to play with the Dustbuster and vacuum cleaner.
He got his first pair of shoes, suitable for walking!
8.29.2012
12 Months
We did it! We made it through the first year. I feel a huge sense of relief. Now he can drink cow's milk and eat honey and sleep with a stuffed animal. Praise God for his blessings. I do not know why he chose to bless me with a healthy, joyful, energetic, smart boy...but I am so thankful he did. I do not deserve such grace. My heart is overflowing with thanksgiving.
Will is a little man now. Babbling away, busying himself with toys...working one to the next. His favorite remains the ball-popping dinosaur. And balls in general. Any size, any color. He loves the big beach ball I got for him. He also likes cars and things that move with wheels.
He also loves to be outside. He likes to ride in his wagon or in the bike trailer. He likes to take walks and go to the swings at the park. He loves the splash park and the pool, and even the little baby pool I set up for him in the backyard. He loves to play in the water!
To keep him entertained while I'm making dinner, all I need to do is open the cabinet where we store all the plastic stuff: leftover containers, water bottles, sippy cups. He will go to town in there. He likes to put the caps on and off of the cups and bottles, and he'll pull out the biggest container and push it around the floor like a car. And sometimes, he just wants to cling to my legs which I don't mind either.
He's eating most everything, but temperamentally. I cannot complain. It is funny to see his face when he eats something he doesn't care for. The disgust!
He isn't walking yet, but he's pulling himself up on everything and walking with a push-toy. I don't think it will be long before he's walking on his own.
He still loves Bella--he constantly hugs her and pets her. "Bella" is still his only real word. But Bella and I are old news as soon as Daddy comes home! He gives him a big hug and is always excited to wrestle or play football with Daddy on the living room floor.
It is such an amazing experience being a mom. Every day is an adventure. Every day is better than the one before. I am excited to know that I'm only on the beginning of this journey, and the best is yet to come!
Will is a little man now. Babbling away, busying himself with toys...working one to the next. His favorite remains the ball-popping dinosaur. And balls in general. Any size, any color. He loves the big beach ball I got for him. He also likes cars and things that move with wheels.
He also loves to be outside. He likes to ride in his wagon or in the bike trailer. He likes to take walks and go to the swings at the park. He loves the splash park and the pool, and even the little baby pool I set up for him in the backyard. He loves to play in the water!
To keep him entertained while I'm making dinner, all I need to do is open the cabinet where we store all the plastic stuff: leftover containers, water bottles, sippy cups. He will go to town in there. He likes to put the caps on and off of the cups and bottles, and he'll pull out the biggest container and push it around the floor like a car. And sometimes, he just wants to cling to my legs which I don't mind either.
He's eating most everything, but temperamentally. I cannot complain. It is funny to see his face when he eats something he doesn't care for. The disgust!
He isn't walking yet, but he's pulling himself up on everything and walking with a push-toy. I don't think it will be long before he's walking on his own.
He still loves Bella--he constantly hugs her and pets her. "Bella" is still his only real word. But Bella and I are old news as soon as Daddy comes home! He gives him a big hug and is always excited to wrestle or play football with Daddy on the living room floor.
It is such an amazing experience being a mom. Every day is an adventure. Every day is better than the one before. I am excited to know that I'm only on the beginning of this journey, and the best is yet to come!
Floor Time
The other day, I am down on my hands and knees in the family room looking all over for a little plastic ball missing from one of Will's toys. I'm climbing all over...getting frustrated. Then all of a sudden, Will comes crawling over to me, pulls on my shirt, hands me a toy, and starts laughing.
He thought I was on the floor to play with him.
I almost said, "No, honey, not right now, I'm busy looking for a ball." But I caught myself.
I realized the chance I had. I was on the floor, on his level, in his world. And he was excited to have me there! So we played.
I need to get on the floor more. Not just to mop it or clean up, but to play.
He thought I was on the floor to play with him.
I almost said, "No, honey, not right now, I'm busy looking for a ball." But I caught myself.
I realized the chance I had. I was on the floor, on his level, in his world. And he was excited to have me there! So we played.
I need to get on the floor more. Not just to mop it or clean up, but to play.
8.03.2012
What is Love?
What is love? Really?
Yesterday I was telling a friend about my birth experience with Will and I confessed that I didn't really love him right away. He seemed more like a stranger to me at first. The love came with time.
But that's not true. Loving feelings came over time. Loving feelings came when I saw Will smile at me and when I heard him laugh. Loving feelings exploded when Will began to love me back. But love, the truest form of love I have ever felt, came the moment I saw those two little pink lines.
At that moment, I chose to alter my life and my plans and my waistline for the benefit of someone I couldn't see or touch or hold. Someone who could not love me back.
When I cut back on caffeine, that was love.
When I endured a vicious cold with no medication, that was love.
When I gave up opportunities on our babymoon to go in a jacuzzi or go horseback riding, that was love.
When I sat uncomfortably on the floor for hours fighting with the assembly instructions for a pack-n-play, that was love.
When I endured back pain and nerve pain and labor pains, that was love.
When I comforted those newborn cries, that was love.
When I sat alone nursing in the middle of the night, crying silently with the pain, that was love.
All the love I've ever known for anyone grew over time. As Alex exhibited his godly character and engaged me in soulful conversation and showered me in compliments and kindness, I grew to love him. I loved him for who he was and for how he made me feel. But that wasn't true love. Not then.
We look for love deep in our souls. We look for it in those moments when our hearts skip a beat and when we feel the butterflies in our stomachs. But we're looking in the wrong places. Love is more than that.
I couldn't know true love until I became a parent. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I chose to sacrifice myself to meet this little stranger's needs, to give him the best of everything, knowing he could give me nothing in return.
I chose to love him.
I loved him not for who he was, but because he was. Because he was, he was worthy.
And that's love.
"And God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8
Yesterday I was telling a friend about my birth experience with Will and I confessed that I didn't really love him right away. He seemed more like a stranger to me at first. The love came with time.
But that's not true. Loving feelings came over time. Loving feelings came when I saw Will smile at me and when I heard him laugh. Loving feelings exploded when Will began to love me back. But love, the truest form of love I have ever felt, came the moment I saw those two little pink lines.
At that moment, I chose to alter my life and my plans and my waistline for the benefit of someone I couldn't see or touch or hold. Someone who could not love me back.
When I cut back on caffeine, that was love.
When I endured a vicious cold with no medication, that was love.
When I gave up opportunities on our babymoon to go in a jacuzzi or go horseback riding, that was love.
When I sat uncomfortably on the floor for hours fighting with the assembly instructions for a pack-n-play, that was love.
When I endured back pain and nerve pain and labor pains, that was love.
When I comforted those newborn cries, that was love.
When I sat alone nursing in the middle of the night, crying silently with the pain, that was love.
All the love I've ever known for anyone grew over time. As Alex exhibited his godly character and engaged me in soulful conversation and showered me in compliments and kindness, I grew to love him. I loved him for who he was and for how he made me feel. But that wasn't true love. Not then.
We look for love deep in our souls. We look for it in those moments when our hearts skip a beat and when we feel the butterflies in our stomachs. But we're looking in the wrong places. Love is more than that.
I couldn't know true love until I became a parent. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I chose to sacrifice myself to meet this little stranger's needs, to give him the best of everything, knowing he could give me nothing in return.
I chose to love him.
I loved him not for who he was, but because he was. Because he was, he was worthy.
And that's love.
"And God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8
7.23.2012
Solids: Stage 4
Will is weaning himself away from nursing and from purees in favor of feeding himself. Why fight it? We are on to finger foods full force now!
So, in mapping out Will's food through the day, I think of these rules:
Fruits include:
So, in mapping out Will's food through the day, I think of these rules:
- Three meals a day, plus a snack if he misses that late-afternoon nursing time for whatever reason.
- Breakfast = Fruit & Grain
- Lunch = Fruit, Vegetable, & Protein
- Dinner = Meat, Fruit, & Vegetable
- I try to make sure the vegetables and fruits are different to ensure he's getting a variety of nutrients.
Fruits include:
- banana
- mango
- peach
- pear
- plum
- Clementines
- strawberries
- peeled grapes
- halved blueberries
- applesauce
- frozen peas
- frozen broccoli florets
- sweet potato
- potato
- green beans
- beets
- squash
- zucchini
- eggplant
- frozen corn kernels
- black beans
- cheese
- yogurt
- chicken
- ground turkey
- ground beef
- oatmeal
- brown rice
- brown rice cous cous
- pasta
Will's Best Friend
Bella is by far Will's best friend. It is so cute to watch their relationship developing from the early days to now....
 |
| Bella was protective of Will even before he was born. |
 | |
| As long as Bella got to sit with Daddy, too, she didn't mind if Will took the other arm. |
 |
| So cozy, curled up together. Will seemed to easily fit into Bella's lifestyle. |
 |
| Will started to notice Bella and she, well, tolerated him... |
 |
| ...until the ear pulling and the tail pulling and the skin & hair pulling...yikes. |
 |
| But then came the hugging. |
 |
| And the playing. |
 |
| And for the time being, they are pals. |
7.20.2012
Things I Learned About Being a Mom From Being a Teacher (Part 2)
{Part 2}
In addition to academic skills, there are life skills that parents need to develop in their children. Parents know they need to teach safety, hygiene, household chores, but there are other more nuanced skills that sometimes get lost. It's probably easier in the moment not to teach these skills and just take care of a situation ourselves instead. Guilty. But the students who possessed these traits were much more successful in school, personal relationships, and more prepared for the road ahead.
5. Parents should teach their kids to advocate for themselves.
On a couple occasions, I asked a student about something (like, "Do you have your essay to turn in today?" or "How about taking your make up quiz today during study hall?"), got a one-word answer (like, "no" or "fine"), and then an hour later, found a lengthy email in my in-box from the child's parent explaining the situation and asking for some kind of exception or extension to save their child from any kind of late penalty or bad quiz grade that they claimed the child was panicking about. This is a more extreme example to illustrate the point that many parents are enabling their children. Their kids do not address problems themselves, even when a teacher initiates a conversation and gives them an opportunity to discuss an issue. They do not know how to speak to adults in authority. They have never had to. They know that a quick text or call to mom or dad and like magic, poof! the situation is solved for them. The added trouble is that often certain details are lost in translation...because the student knows how to manipulate the parent and the teacher to get what they want. Not only is this usually sneaky, it is not a good long-term set up. There will be situations where students will have to explain themselves to a professor or ask for something from a boss. The only way they are prepared for this is with practice from the home training camp. Starting in middle school or junior high, parents should listen to their student's issue, ask lots of questions to make sure they know the whole story, then help the student come up with what to say to the teacher the next day in order to solve the problem. Maybe even engage in some role-play to help them practice. Of course if the student tries and the teacher truly seems unreasonable, then it's good for the student to know they have the parent as an ally to go to bat for them, but if they learn how to advocate for themselves, this skill will be invaluable in future relationships and work settings.
6. Parents should teach their kids online etiquette.
Kids today are internet "natives." They navigate the web and figure out devices with lightning speed while I'm still trying to figure out how to turn on my iPad. They will spend a lot of time online. But they're doing it largely without instruction, rules, or supervision. And if you think your parental controls are censoring the web sufficiently, I wouldn't be so sure. There are two big areas where kids need specific, direct instruction. One is email writing. When I was in school, I was taught how to write a business letter with a proper heading, salutation, etc. Now kids need to be taught how to write a business email. Shorthand in an email to a friend is fine, but I received many emails from students with no salutation, no punctuation, no capital letters, no signature (no kidding--I really did not know who these emails were from!). Another is online privacy--or lack thereof. Students at our school were about to riot when they learned that several students were being suspended for underage drinking based on evidence from Facebook photos that mysteriously ended up on the principal's desk. Kids don't realize that the web is a public space, that anything they post is out there, fair game, and viewable by parents, teachers, employers, friends, and enemies. Caution is suggested. Even privacy settings aren't a foolproof safeguard because you can't control what other people post about you. (This can be a great teaching moment to discuss the importance of integrity, too.)
7. Parents should give their kids opportunities to problem solve.
I already see this struggle. Poor Will is about to flip head over heels as he is reaching for a ball that rolled underneath a chair. I am sitting a foot away, watching, restraining myself even though I desperately want to reach over and get the darn thing for him. He might hurt himself, he might not be able to reach it after all, but I'm trying to give him the chance to problem solve. And after he contorted himself into a strange version of downward dog, he got the ball. It's not easy. And it only gets harder. But watching your child face a problem and not solving it for them yields self-confidence, healthy self-esteem, creativity, and a willingness to accept challenges--traits that most parents want to see their children possess. Frustration isn't a bad thing. Frustration is a sign that a child is trying something new...that a child is learning. Don't fight it. And if they fail, well, help them out, but let them know that you're proud of them for trying.
8. Parents should insist on honesty.
One of our classic family stories is about a time when I was three years old and I took three Oreo cookies out of an open package on the supermarket shelf. I must have known that this was not okay, because I stashed them in my pocket until we got to the car...and didn't realize that my mother had a rear-view mirror which allowed her to easily see the evidence all over my face. We drove home where she made me take out three nickels from my piggy bank (one nickel for each cookie) and then we drove back to the supermarket and I confessed to the manager and paid for the cookies I had stolen. My mom did not tolerate lying in any form. And let me tell you: I never shoplifted again. Honesty starts with little things. "White lies" seem to be acceptable in our culture. Many kids see their parents telling white lies when they tell a friend they aren't feeling well enough to get together and then go shopping instead. This translates to lying, stealing, and cheating. When I took polls, most of my students did not think cheating was wrong. This belief no doubt fuels some of the corruption we see in Washington and on Wall Street today. How to we change it? Parents model honesty and insist on honesty from their children.
I'm not a psychologist...and I'm still a rookie parent. I was a teacher for eight years and I took mental notes along the way.
In addition to academic skills, there are life skills that parents need to develop in their children. Parents know they need to teach safety, hygiene, household chores, but there are other more nuanced skills that sometimes get lost. It's probably easier in the moment not to teach these skills and just take care of a situation ourselves instead. Guilty. But the students who possessed these traits were much more successful in school, personal relationships, and more prepared for the road ahead.
5. Parents should teach their kids to advocate for themselves.
On a couple occasions, I asked a student about something (like, "Do you have your essay to turn in today?" or "How about taking your make up quiz today during study hall?"), got a one-word answer (like, "no" or "fine"), and then an hour later, found a lengthy email in my in-box from the child's parent explaining the situation and asking for some kind of exception or extension to save their child from any kind of late penalty or bad quiz grade that they claimed the child was panicking about. This is a more extreme example to illustrate the point that many parents are enabling their children. Their kids do not address problems themselves, even when a teacher initiates a conversation and gives them an opportunity to discuss an issue. They do not know how to speak to adults in authority. They have never had to. They know that a quick text or call to mom or dad and like magic, poof! the situation is solved for them. The added trouble is that often certain details are lost in translation...because the student knows how to manipulate the parent and the teacher to get what they want. Not only is this usually sneaky, it is not a good long-term set up. There will be situations where students will have to explain themselves to a professor or ask for something from a boss. The only way they are prepared for this is with practice from the home training camp. Starting in middle school or junior high, parents should listen to their student's issue, ask lots of questions to make sure they know the whole story, then help the student come up with what to say to the teacher the next day in order to solve the problem. Maybe even engage in some role-play to help them practice. Of course if the student tries and the teacher truly seems unreasonable, then it's good for the student to know they have the parent as an ally to go to bat for them, but if they learn how to advocate for themselves, this skill will be invaluable in future relationships and work settings.
6. Parents should teach their kids online etiquette.
Kids today are internet "natives." They navigate the web and figure out devices with lightning speed while I'm still trying to figure out how to turn on my iPad. They will spend a lot of time online. But they're doing it largely without instruction, rules, or supervision. And if you think your parental controls are censoring the web sufficiently, I wouldn't be so sure. There are two big areas where kids need specific, direct instruction. One is email writing. When I was in school, I was taught how to write a business letter with a proper heading, salutation, etc. Now kids need to be taught how to write a business email. Shorthand in an email to a friend is fine, but I received many emails from students with no salutation, no punctuation, no capital letters, no signature (no kidding--I really did not know who these emails were from!). Another is online privacy--or lack thereof. Students at our school were about to riot when they learned that several students were being suspended for underage drinking based on evidence from Facebook photos that mysteriously ended up on the principal's desk. Kids don't realize that the web is a public space, that anything they post is out there, fair game, and viewable by parents, teachers, employers, friends, and enemies. Caution is suggested. Even privacy settings aren't a foolproof safeguard because you can't control what other people post about you. (This can be a great teaching moment to discuss the importance of integrity, too.)
7. Parents should give their kids opportunities to problem solve.
I already see this struggle. Poor Will is about to flip head over heels as he is reaching for a ball that rolled underneath a chair. I am sitting a foot away, watching, restraining myself even though I desperately want to reach over and get the darn thing for him. He might hurt himself, he might not be able to reach it after all, but I'm trying to give him the chance to problem solve. And after he contorted himself into a strange version of downward dog, he got the ball. It's not easy. And it only gets harder. But watching your child face a problem and not solving it for them yields self-confidence, healthy self-esteem, creativity, and a willingness to accept challenges--traits that most parents want to see their children possess. Frustration isn't a bad thing. Frustration is a sign that a child is trying something new...that a child is learning. Don't fight it. And if they fail, well, help them out, but let them know that you're proud of them for trying.
8. Parents should insist on honesty.
One of our classic family stories is about a time when I was three years old and I took three Oreo cookies out of an open package on the supermarket shelf. I must have known that this was not okay, because I stashed them in my pocket until we got to the car...and didn't realize that my mother had a rear-view mirror which allowed her to easily see the evidence all over my face. We drove home where she made me take out three nickels from my piggy bank (one nickel for each cookie) and then we drove back to the supermarket and I confessed to the manager and paid for the cookies I had stolen. My mom did not tolerate lying in any form. And let me tell you: I never shoplifted again. Honesty starts with little things. "White lies" seem to be acceptable in our culture. Many kids see their parents telling white lies when they tell a friend they aren't feeling well enough to get together and then go shopping instead. This translates to lying, stealing, and cheating. When I took polls, most of my students did not think cheating was wrong. This belief no doubt fuels some of the corruption we see in Washington and on Wall Street today. How to we change it? Parents model honesty and insist on honesty from their children.
I'm not a psychologist...and I'm still a rookie parent. I was a teacher for eight years and I took mental notes along the way.
7.19.2012
Eleven Months
Will is not a baby anymore! It is amazing how in the last month he has become so communicative and so responsive. He clearly understands much of what I say (including "no") and even though he only has one little high-pitched escalating "uh?" sound, he can use that to communicate exactly what he wants. That little "uh?" can mean "more," or "what is that?" or "I want that" or even "play with me" depending on the circumstances. And he has also become good at scrunching up his face and throwing food to indicate that he is done with a meal. That one we might need to work on a little.
He does have a lot of other babbles using all sorts of consonants and vowels now...and one very consistent word: Bella. Sometimes it sounds like "Bewa" and sometimes it's just "Beh," but when he sees her, he points and says her name. He's working on Mama and Dada...I'm sure they'll come in time! But for now, Bella is his best friend. She has started to enjoy him, too, and she'll even bring him her rope to play tug-of-war. And while she's lying on her bed, Will will come over and give her hugs. He still enjoys pulling her tail but for the most part, they get along famously.
He's eating nearly all finger foods now. He much prefers to feed himself rather than be fed a puree. He's a really good eater. He isn't thrilled about strawberries or avocados, but pretty much everything else I've offered him gets gobbled up. His new favorites this month are watermelon and clementines. He can't get enough.
We enjoyed our first family vacation this month to Kiawah Island with all the Wilsons. It was exhausting, but a good time. Will loved the water and seemed to enjoy the beach more and more as the week went on. It was such a joy for me to watch Will enjoying the beach that I fell in love with as a kid. How wonderful to be able to share that with him.
Traveling was a bit more challenging now that he is crawling everywhere. He's into drawers and doors...crawling has opened up a whole new world for him and he clearly loves the freedom! One of his favorite things is to play Peek-a-Boo by crawling from one end of the ottoman (or kitchen island or large chair) to the other, and peeking out from each side. He also loves playing with balls, throwing them and chasing them. His favorite toy is the dinosaur popper that plays music and bounces balls around in its tummy. Except I often find the balls hidden in the corner of the family room and the popper filled with socks, puzzle pieces, plastic bowls, and toy cars. He loves hearing different noises clacking all around. It is funny, I have to admit! Even though he is active and happy at home, he is still very shy around new people and it takes him a long time to warm up in new environments. It will be interesting to see his personality continue to develop.
At night now, Will isn't falling asleep nursing any more. He finishes nursing and then he lets me cuddle him and rock him for a while before I put him in his crib for the night. With his head on my shoulder I can't help but thank God for Will and for the chance to be his mom. These days go by quickly and I want to soak up every moment. One day I will hardly believe he used to fit in my arms! For now, though, I'm just so happy to have him there.
He does have a lot of other babbles using all sorts of consonants and vowels now...and one very consistent word: Bella. Sometimes it sounds like "Bewa" and sometimes it's just "Beh," but when he sees her, he points and says her name. He's working on Mama and Dada...I'm sure they'll come in time! But for now, Bella is his best friend. She has started to enjoy him, too, and she'll even bring him her rope to play tug-of-war. And while she's lying on her bed, Will will come over and give her hugs. He still enjoys pulling her tail but for the most part, they get along famously.
He's eating nearly all finger foods now. He much prefers to feed himself rather than be fed a puree. He's a really good eater. He isn't thrilled about strawberries or avocados, but pretty much everything else I've offered him gets gobbled up. His new favorites this month are watermelon and clementines. He can't get enough.
We enjoyed our first family vacation this month to Kiawah Island with all the Wilsons. It was exhausting, but a good time. Will loved the water and seemed to enjoy the beach more and more as the week went on. It was such a joy for me to watch Will enjoying the beach that I fell in love with as a kid. How wonderful to be able to share that with him.
Traveling was a bit more challenging now that he is crawling everywhere. He's into drawers and doors...crawling has opened up a whole new world for him and he clearly loves the freedom! One of his favorite things is to play Peek-a-Boo by crawling from one end of the ottoman (or kitchen island or large chair) to the other, and peeking out from each side. He also loves playing with balls, throwing them and chasing them. His favorite toy is the dinosaur popper that plays music and bounces balls around in its tummy. Except I often find the balls hidden in the corner of the family room and the popper filled with socks, puzzle pieces, plastic bowls, and toy cars. He loves hearing different noises clacking all around. It is funny, I have to admit! Even though he is active and happy at home, he is still very shy around new people and it takes him a long time to warm up in new environments. It will be interesting to see his personality continue to develop.
At night now, Will isn't falling asleep nursing any more. He finishes nursing and then he lets me cuddle him and rock him for a while before I put him in his crib for the night. With his head on my shoulder I can't help but thank God for Will and for the chance to be his mom. These days go by quickly and I want to soak up every moment. One day I will hardly believe he used to fit in my arms! For now, though, I'm just so happy to have him there.
7.10.2012
My Mom Mission
I just read a book review about a book on how to be a "missional mom" and find meaning in the role of a mother. The book focuses on looking to serve God outside of the home in order to find fulfillment. Now, I haven't read this book, and I realize that a review can be very slanted. However, these ideas got me thinking: What is my mission as a mom? How do I mark progress on a daily basis? How do I make this job a truly fulfilling one?
So, I need a mission statement. I guess it would be something like this: I will seek God first and with His strength, put my family above all else, aiming to meet their needs in order to help them become people who are Spirit-filled, emotionally secure, and physically fit.
What might this look like? First of all, I realize my role as a child of God. I make Bible study, personal quiet time, and prayer a priority in my life. I can't feel guilty about skipping a nap in order for me to go to Bible study, or about letting Will play quietly by himself for a little while. I must be willing to obey God's call above my selfish desires. (Easier said than done.)
Then, I think about my family. I've written before about how my husband has to be a priority over my child. So, I think about my role as a wife. I must be willing to make time for us, to serve him by making healthy dinners, doing chores, and running errands during the day to take some items off of his plate, and to leave myself with enough gas left in the tank to be fully present with him after Will is in bed and we have time together to talk and share.
And what about the rest of the day? What about those many hours when I'm just Mom? When it's just me and Will at home together? What makes those times meaningful? What supplements the sense of fulfillment that used to come from my job as a teacher?
I guess it starts with need-meeting. I guess every time I cut up a banana and pour a sippy cup of juice, I'm meeting Will's needs and I'm fulfilling my mission. Every time I change his diaper and rock him to sleep, I'm fulfilling my mission. Every time I snuggle him and kiss his cheeks, I'm fulfilling my mission. Every time I hold his hand and say grace with him and sing him a hymn for the umpteenth time, I'm fulfilling my mission.
And if I think about it like that, at the end of the day, I can lay my head on the pillow and know that I'm doing all right. I'm not perfect, but my little guy fell asleep for the night in my arms, content, secure, loved, happy, clean, and fed. I'm laying a foundation for him which hopefully will one day be solid enough for him to jump off of and soar.
Whether or not I do so intentionally or even well, the truth is that I will show Will what love is. I will shape his view of who God is. I will model the way marriage should be. I will set his expectations for how his own wife should behave. I will set the course in his life for the type of man he will become. I cannot think of a greater, more fulfilling mission than that.
So, I need a mission statement. I guess it would be something like this: I will seek God first and with His strength, put my family above all else, aiming to meet their needs in order to help them become people who are Spirit-filled, emotionally secure, and physically fit.
What might this look like? First of all, I realize my role as a child of God. I make Bible study, personal quiet time, and prayer a priority in my life. I can't feel guilty about skipping a nap in order for me to go to Bible study, or about letting Will play quietly by himself for a little while. I must be willing to obey God's call above my selfish desires. (Easier said than done.)
Then, I think about my family. I've written before about how my husband has to be a priority over my child. So, I think about my role as a wife. I must be willing to make time for us, to serve him by making healthy dinners, doing chores, and running errands during the day to take some items off of his plate, and to leave myself with enough gas left in the tank to be fully present with him after Will is in bed and we have time together to talk and share.
And what about the rest of the day? What about those many hours when I'm just Mom? When it's just me and Will at home together? What makes those times meaningful? What supplements the sense of fulfillment that used to come from my job as a teacher?
I guess it starts with need-meeting. I guess every time I cut up a banana and pour a sippy cup of juice, I'm meeting Will's needs and I'm fulfilling my mission. Every time I change his diaper and rock him to sleep, I'm fulfilling my mission. Every time I snuggle him and kiss his cheeks, I'm fulfilling my mission. Every time I hold his hand and say grace with him and sing him a hymn for the umpteenth time, I'm fulfilling my mission.
And if I think about it like that, at the end of the day, I can lay my head on the pillow and know that I'm doing all right. I'm not perfect, but my little guy fell asleep for the night in my arms, content, secure, loved, happy, clean, and fed. I'm laying a foundation for him which hopefully will one day be solid enough for him to jump off of and soar.
Whether or not I do so intentionally or even well, the truth is that I will show Will what love is. I will shape his view of who God is. I will model the way marriage should be. I will set his expectations for how his own wife should behave. I will set the course in his life for the type of man he will become. I cannot think of a greater, more fulfilling mission than that.
6.23.2012
Baby Play: Fabric
One of the ideas I saw a lot online is the idea of baby treasure baskets. The idea is that for heuristic play, fill a basket with items around the house and let the baby explore it. I was especially inspired by the baskets posted at The Imagination Tree.
So, I gathered some pieces of fabric in all different textures from around the house. I ended up with:
- a washcloth
- a piece of felt
- a silk scarf
- a basket-weave cloth napkin
- a handkerchief
- a minky burp cloth
- a piece of netting
Will could sit for a very long time and go through the bag, pulling each piece out, feeling it, tasting it, playing peek-a-boo with it...lots of fun for something different and free to engage that little baby brain!
6.16.2012
Ten Months
This has been another month of rapid growth and development. One month ago, he was just learning to scoot around...this week he started actually crawling. I can no longer leave him alone to play and expect him to sit nicely on a blanket in the middle of the family room. Oh no. Now that he can move, he'd much rather play on Bella's bed or with the drawers on the end table, or stand up holding on to the ottoman. Time to childproof! Playing is also different because he's into banging on things and throwing things. I think he likes knowing that he can make a noise or cause a reaction.
I'm noticing that he is starting to wean himself, too. He's much more interested in solid foods...any solid foods...than in nursing. He still nurses quickly 4-5 times a day, but he's eating solids like a champ. He will gladly eat purees, but given the choice, he prefers feeding himself. One of his favorite foods seems to be broccoli. He can't get enough. He also likes pears...and of course the Puffs!
Will is much more communicative. He can point to things that he wants. With just a little grunt I can tell what he is asking for. He is waving, too. He knows to wave when I say "hi" or "bye-bye." Of course he doesn't always wave when I ask him to...and he will sometimes wave without prompting just to get our attention. He is also learning to "high-five" and getting pretty good at it!
Will took his first plane ride this month! Corrie and I took him to Virginia for my cousin Brigid's wedding. He did great. I loved being able to introduce him to my Howland family! What a special, memorable weekend.
Since it's been so hot, I've been taking Will to the pool and the splash park near our house. He loves it. I think he will be a water baby. He loves splashing in the water. He loves the baby pool, too. He is learning how to fill up and dump out the little stacking cups I bought for him. He is so content playing with something so simple again and again. His favorite toys are a set of plastic measuring cups and funnels. It doesn't take much to keep him happy!
There is nothing better than Will seeing me and reaching for me, or seeing Alex and leaning out of my arms to give him a hug. He is a wonder.
I'm noticing that he is starting to wean himself, too. He's much more interested in solid foods...any solid foods...than in nursing. He still nurses quickly 4-5 times a day, but he's eating solids like a champ. He will gladly eat purees, but given the choice, he prefers feeding himself. One of his favorite foods seems to be broccoli. He can't get enough. He also likes pears...and of course the Puffs!
Will is much more communicative. He can point to things that he wants. With just a little grunt I can tell what he is asking for. He is waving, too. He knows to wave when I say "hi" or "bye-bye." Of course he doesn't always wave when I ask him to...and he will sometimes wave without prompting just to get our attention. He is also learning to "high-five" and getting pretty good at it!
Will took his first plane ride this month! Corrie and I took him to Virginia for my cousin Brigid's wedding. He did great. I loved being able to introduce him to my Howland family! What a special, memorable weekend.
Since it's been so hot, I've been taking Will to the pool and the splash park near our house. He loves it. I think he will be a water baby. He loves splashing in the water. He loves the baby pool, too. He is learning how to fill up and dump out the little stacking cups I bought for him. He is so content playing with something so simple again and again. His favorite toys are a set of plastic measuring cups and funnels. It doesn't take much to keep him happy!
There is nothing better than Will seeing me and reaching for me, or seeing Alex and leaning out of my arms to give him a hug. He is a wonder.
5.29.2012
High Stakes
Alex and I watched "We Bought a Zoo" this weekend and it had me sobbing. The story centers on Benjamin Mee who is grieving the recent loss of his wife while trying to find the strength to help his two young children cope as well. He decides a move is necessary and they end up purchasing a non-operational zoo and working with its staff to bring it back to working condition. It is a feel good movie about loss and redemption...so why was I crying?
There are these scenes where the Benjamin's grief is palpable. Once he opens his iPhoto and begins to look at photos of his wife and recall memories of the family together. Ugh. And then you see the kids grieving, too. The 7-year-old girl sleeps with her mom's old sweatshirt and in another scene, the 13-year-old boy clutches a framed picture of his mother and sobs.
The movie got me.
I used to have fear about either Alex or me dying and leaving the other behind. I have worked this out a little bit. If I let myself think about such a situation, I know that we could find someone else and we would eventually be okay. Yes, it's horrible to think about, but a few years ago, I came to terms with the fact that if something happened to me, Alex would be okay.
But now things are different. Now the stakes are higher. Now there's Will. And if something happened to me, I don't know if he would be okay.
It's a little bit easier to replace a spouse--someone you chose in the first place. Someone you have experienced life without, and even if you can't imagine it that way again, you know in your heart you have done it and you can do it again. Not mom. Mom is someone you've always known. Mom is someone you haven't ever lived without. Mom is someone who cannot be replaced.
So that's why I sobbed when I saw little Dylan and Rosie in the movie trying to cope with their mother's death.
And that's why I have an internal struggle now to get to a point where I trust God enough to know that if something happened to me, Will would also be okay.
I don't want to live in fear. I want to live in faith. I want to trust in God's goodness. I want to know that He is love. I know in my head that God is sovereign and is in control...I want to believe it in my heart.
There are these scenes where the Benjamin's grief is palpable. Once he opens his iPhoto and begins to look at photos of his wife and recall memories of the family together. Ugh. And then you see the kids grieving, too. The 7-year-old girl sleeps with her mom's old sweatshirt and in another scene, the 13-year-old boy clutches a framed picture of his mother and sobs.
The movie got me.
I used to have fear about either Alex or me dying and leaving the other behind. I have worked this out a little bit. If I let myself think about such a situation, I know that we could find someone else and we would eventually be okay. Yes, it's horrible to think about, but a few years ago, I came to terms with the fact that if something happened to me, Alex would be okay.
But now things are different. Now the stakes are higher. Now there's Will. And if something happened to me, I don't know if he would be okay.
It's a little bit easier to replace a spouse--someone you chose in the first place. Someone you have experienced life without, and even if you can't imagine it that way again, you know in your heart you have done it and you can do it again. Not mom. Mom is someone you've always known. Mom is someone you haven't ever lived without. Mom is someone who cannot be replaced.
So that's why I sobbed when I saw little Dylan and Rosie in the movie trying to cope with their mother's death.
And that's why I have an internal struggle now to get to a point where I trust God enough to know that if something happened to me, Will would also be okay.
I don't want to live in fear. I want to live in faith. I want to trust in God's goodness. I want to know that He is love. I know in my head that God is sovereign and is in control...I want to believe it in my heart.
5.21.2012
What I Learned About Being a Mom From Being a Teacher
As a teacher, I got to play armchair quarterback for all of the families represented by the students who funneled in and out of my classroom each day. I had my own opinions of what should be happening at home, but I didn't have to man the front lines of daily struggles to get lunches made, clothes on, get out the door, keep track of children's after-school whereabouts, take care of sign ups and activity fees, help with homework, handle the joys of making the soccer team, and the disappointment of not getting into the dream college.
I get it. It's tough. A lot tougher than I realized before I became a mom myself.
Still, from my position on the sidelines, I witnessed the patterns. The similar struggles of child after child, year after year. And I have some ideas on what works and what doesn't. Here's what I know.
1. Parents should let their kids fail.
I know this must be agonizing for a parent. We want our kids to be successful at everything they do. We want them to get trophies and stickers. We don't want them to feel bad about themselves. But reality is that times will come when they will try something and they will fail. And that's okay. As parents, starting at an early age, we must combat the dominant cultural message that failure is bad and replace it with the message that failure is a learning opportunity that will make us better. I saw too many students who failed at something (and I don't mean that they failed English--I mean that they didn't do their homework and failed a 5-point reading quiz), and they threw in the towel and completely gave up and shut down. Or worse, lied or cheated to prevent failure. They believed that failure was ultimate. Failure was personal. Failure meant that they were bad students. Failure meant that they may as well not even try. Then there were other students. The ones who failed a reading quiz and looked me in the eye and said, "You know what? I was lazy last night and I didn't read. I deserve an 'F' on this quiz. I'll read tonight and be prepared for tomorrow." I admired these kids. They had been taught to admit to failure because failure happens. And they will learn from their mistakes and be successful going forward.
2. Parents should help their kids realize their unique talents and abilities.
Sometimes kids fail at something because it's just not what they were cut out to do. In seventh grade, my best friends went out for cheerleading and made the squad. I wanted desperately to join them. I was so jealous when they were together at practice and I was alone on the bus on my way home. But I couldn't even do a cartwheel. My mom hugged me while I cried and helped me think of things I was good at. She reminded me of some skits I had done at church and said I seemed to have natural acting ability. So, I tried out for the school play, made the cast, and that sparked a love of acting and many leading roles down the road. I felt successful and I felt significant because I found what I was wired to do. My friendships with my cheerleading friends waned, but that was okay because I found new friends, friends who were wired like me. Not every kid is talented in the same ways. Some are athletic, some are musical, some are scientific, some are artistic. Parents know their own kids better than anyone and should help them recognize their own strengths and talents. This will help them be able to admit their own weaknesses when they pop up without giving up on themselves or questioning their identity and self worth.
3. Parents should encourage their kids to do their best, but not allow them to feel pressure to be the best.
As I talked with my students, I found that they would often admit to putting pressure on themselves to be the best at everything. I think, though, that this pressure really comes from spoken or assumed parental expectations, and the child's deep-rooted desire to please them. Whether or not the pressure comes from parents, it can be alleviated by parents. Kids need to be reminded often that they are loved unconditionally, no matter what grades they get or what teams they make. They also need to be held accountable to do their best, but with realistic expectations. For example, a parent should not offer a lavish reward for a child getting an "A" in math when really, that subject is a huge struggle and a "C" would be representative of the child's best work. When an "A" is not achieved, the student feels bad about himself and feels that he has disappointed his parents. Help your child set reasonable, realistic, short-term goals and celebrate small successes along the way to show that you value hard work more than an end result.
4. Parents should teach kids how to prioritize their time.
The time will come when the demands of homework, a baseball game, Grandma's birthday party, piano practice, and the TV series finale everyone is talking about all collide on one sad and terrifying evening and a student realizes that what is required of them is simply humanly impossible in the time they have to work with. Depending on the child, the result is either a meltdown of mythic proportions or total shut down and hours spent simply surfing the internet until she falls asleep. This is a "teachable moment"--take advantage of it! Help the child write down everything they have to do and then prioritize the list. What must be done first, second, and what can wait until tomorrow. Weigh the consequences of something not getting completed--for example, will you lose more points for turning in math homework late, or your major quarter project? Making choices, prioritizing time, and accepting consequences is an important life skill (here also lies opportunities for lessons on why procrastinating doesn't work!). Left to their own devices, I have seen many students choose to spend hours working on a small-value homework assignment for history and fail to study for a big-point test, simply because they feel overwhelmed. Parents can help teach their kids how to make choices about how to spend their limited time.
There are also social skills that parents can impress upon their children. This is discussed in another post.
I get it. It's tough. A lot tougher than I realized before I became a mom myself.
Still, from my position on the sidelines, I witnessed the patterns. The similar struggles of child after child, year after year. And I have some ideas on what works and what doesn't. Here's what I know.
1. Parents should let their kids fail.
I know this must be agonizing for a parent. We want our kids to be successful at everything they do. We want them to get trophies and stickers. We don't want them to feel bad about themselves. But reality is that times will come when they will try something and they will fail. And that's okay. As parents, starting at an early age, we must combat the dominant cultural message that failure is bad and replace it with the message that failure is a learning opportunity that will make us better. I saw too many students who failed at something (and I don't mean that they failed English--I mean that they didn't do their homework and failed a 5-point reading quiz), and they threw in the towel and completely gave up and shut down. Or worse, lied or cheated to prevent failure. They believed that failure was ultimate. Failure was personal. Failure meant that they were bad students. Failure meant that they may as well not even try. Then there were other students. The ones who failed a reading quiz and looked me in the eye and said, "You know what? I was lazy last night and I didn't read. I deserve an 'F' on this quiz. I'll read tonight and be prepared for tomorrow." I admired these kids. They had been taught to admit to failure because failure happens. And they will learn from their mistakes and be successful going forward.
2. Parents should help their kids realize their unique talents and abilities.
Sometimes kids fail at something because it's just not what they were cut out to do. In seventh grade, my best friends went out for cheerleading and made the squad. I wanted desperately to join them. I was so jealous when they were together at practice and I was alone on the bus on my way home. But I couldn't even do a cartwheel. My mom hugged me while I cried and helped me think of things I was good at. She reminded me of some skits I had done at church and said I seemed to have natural acting ability. So, I tried out for the school play, made the cast, and that sparked a love of acting and many leading roles down the road. I felt successful and I felt significant because I found what I was wired to do. My friendships with my cheerleading friends waned, but that was okay because I found new friends, friends who were wired like me. Not every kid is talented in the same ways. Some are athletic, some are musical, some are scientific, some are artistic. Parents know their own kids better than anyone and should help them recognize their own strengths and talents. This will help them be able to admit their own weaknesses when they pop up without giving up on themselves or questioning their identity and self worth.
3. Parents should encourage their kids to do their best, but not allow them to feel pressure to be the best.
As I talked with my students, I found that they would often admit to putting pressure on themselves to be the best at everything. I think, though, that this pressure really comes from spoken or assumed parental expectations, and the child's deep-rooted desire to please them. Whether or not the pressure comes from parents, it can be alleviated by parents. Kids need to be reminded often that they are loved unconditionally, no matter what grades they get or what teams they make. They also need to be held accountable to do their best, but with realistic expectations. For example, a parent should not offer a lavish reward for a child getting an "A" in math when really, that subject is a huge struggle and a "C" would be representative of the child's best work. When an "A" is not achieved, the student feels bad about himself and feels that he has disappointed his parents. Help your child set reasonable, realistic, short-term goals and celebrate small successes along the way to show that you value hard work more than an end result.
4. Parents should teach kids how to prioritize their time.
The time will come when the demands of homework, a baseball game, Grandma's birthday party, piano practice, and the TV series finale everyone is talking about all collide on one sad and terrifying evening and a student realizes that what is required of them is simply humanly impossible in the time they have to work with. Depending on the child, the result is either a meltdown of mythic proportions or total shut down and hours spent simply surfing the internet until she falls asleep. This is a "teachable moment"--take advantage of it! Help the child write down everything they have to do and then prioritize the list. What must be done first, second, and what can wait until tomorrow. Weigh the consequences of something not getting completed--for example, will you lose more points for turning in math homework late, or your major quarter project? Making choices, prioritizing time, and accepting consequences is an important life skill (here also lies opportunities for lessons on why procrastinating doesn't work!). Left to their own devices, I have seen many students choose to spend hours working on a small-value homework assignment for history and fail to study for a big-point test, simply because they feel overwhelmed. Parents can help teach their kids how to make choices about how to spend their limited time.
There are also social skills that parents can impress upon their children. This is discussed in another post.
5.18.2012
Nine Months
The nine months of pregnancy seemed to drag on forever...and yet nine months of motherhood have gone by in a flash. At the nine month mark, I cannot believe how much Will is doing. He is reaching for things, and handing them to me. He is curious about everything. He just wants to touch, taste, chew, bang on, and pull on anything within reach. He's learning to use his voice. He will play Peek-a-Boo. When a blanket is covering his head (or mine), he will pull it off and smile when I say, "peek-a-boo!".
Will is more squirmy. He moves around on the floor like a roly poly. Even though he's not crawling really, he's scooting around on the floor and sort of army crawling backward, until he runs into the couch or the ottoman. He has rhythm! He jumps and moves in time with music. He can stand up while holding onto the side of the ottoman or the couch...or holding onto Alex's or my hands. He loves to be standing! He is also very ticklish. Blowing in his ear or running a toy car up his back elicit screams of laughter.
His two top teeth are in now. He has really handled the teething like a trooper. It looks so painful, but he seems to rarely be bothered. He has started eating table food and Puffs now that he can use that pincer grasp and pick up little objects to feed himself. He loves Puffs (now our saving grace at the nursery!).
We're starting to teach him "no"--certain things cannot be touched or tasted, and certain things hurt (like grabbing Bella's--or our--hair).
He started to reach for me, which melts my heart every time. Someone else can be holding him and he will squirm and reach for me when he sees me. I love knowing that he knows me and loves me! He will, though, let all of his grandparents hold him with glee--no hint of stranger anxiety there. That also warms my hears, knowing that he knows and loves his grandparents!
When people meet Will for the first time or when they haven't seen him in a while, they comment on how serious he is. It's funny because when he is out of his environment or around new people, he is very serious. He isn't sure of what's going on and he wants to check everything out. But once he warms up, he is a lot of fun. He smiles and talks and sings and giggles. And once he gets to know you, he will hug and cuddle you and take your breath away. I get to experience it every day.
Will is more squirmy. He moves around on the floor like a roly poly. Even though he's not crawling really, he's scooting around on the floor and sort of army crawling backward, until he runs into the couch or the ottoman. He has rhythm! He jumps and moves in time with music. He can stand up while holding onto the side of the ottoman or the couch...or holding onto Alex's or my hands. He loves to be standing! He is also very ticklish. Blowing in his ear or running a toy car up his back elicit screams of laughter.
His two top teeth are in now. He has really handled the teething like a trooper. It looks so painful, but he seems to rarely be bothered. He has started eating table food and Puffs now that he can use that pincer grasp and pick up little objects to feed himself. He loves Puffs (now our saving grace at the nursery!).
We're starting to teach him "no"--certain things cannot be touched or tasted, and certain things hurt (like grabbing Bella's--or our--hair).
He started to reach for me, which melts my heart every time. Someone else can be holding him and he will squirm and reach for me when he sees me. I love knowing that he knows me and loves me! He will, though, let all of his grandparents hold him with glee--no hint of stranger anxiety there. That also warms my hears, knowing that he knows and loves his grandparents!
When people meet Will for the first time or when they haven't seen him in a while, they comment on how serious he is. It's funny because when he is out of his environment or around new people, he is very serious. He isn't sure of what's going on and he wants to check everything out. But once he warms up, he is a lot of fun. He smiles and talks and sings and giggles. And once he gets to know you, he will hug and cuddle you and take your breath away. I get to experience it every day.
5.05.2012
Solids: Stage 3
Now that we are well into 8 months, I have progressed to my own version of "stage 3 solids."
In all my research, I have found that there is no set method that doctors and experts agree on. Good news for me because I am trying to take a conservative approach, but I am certainly not following any set guide!
For me, Stage 3 means:
Happy Babycooking!
In all my research, I have found that there is no set method that doctors and experts agree on. Good news for me because I am trying to take a conservative approach, but I am certainly not following any set guide!
For me, Stage 3 means:
- Three meals a day.
- Meals often include a mixed puree of several items.
- Add chicken to the diet--I plan to add other meats, too, as I have them on hand.
- Add more yogurt.
- Add some seasonings (cinnamon, garlic, cumin...okay, that's all I'm brave enough for so far!).
- Offer "puffs" and small pieces of banana or other soft foods to encourage chewing.
- Offer juice in a cup occasionally. (I really started this because Will needed a little prune juice to help soften things up if you know what I mean!)
- Mango, spinach, pear (blend raw in food processor...maybe add a little apple juice if you need it)
- Peach and dried apricot
- Broccoli and apple
- Pea and pear (sometimes I add green beans)
- Sweet Potato, pear, banana
- Sweet potato, banana, yogurt
- Chicken and dried apricot
- Chicken, rice, and veggies (any and all--I actually made and froze a chicken-vegetable-rice soup)
Happy Babycooking!
5.04.2012
Now I have to actually be a parent? Ugh.
It has begun. We now look at Will and say "No." My little innocent angel is now pulling my hair, clawing at my face, taking the washcloth out of my hands as I'm trying to wash down his face, grabbing at poor Bella. Yikes. I don't even think he understands exactly what "no" means. I do. And it sucks.
I loved these early months of not saying "no" to anything. My whole goal was to let Will explore his surroundings...nothing was off limits. Sure, put that in your mouth. Yes, you can touch that. What does it feel like?
All of a sudden, he can get into things that are bad for him and I have to lay down the law.
I guess this is parenting. A struggle between your love for your kid that desires for them to have fun and enjoy life, and your love for your kid that desires for them to stay alive and in one piece. And not only that, but to become a person who is of good character.
I don't want to always be saying "no." I have to be conscious in the future of making sure that I say "yes" enough that Will experiences life. But I have to be willing to say "no." And mean it.
I'm just scratching the surface of this whole parenting thing. I'm going to need a LOT of help. If I struggle with saying "no" I'm going to struggle with a lot worse things. Yikes. God help me!
I loved these early months of not saying "no" to anything. My whole goal was to let Will explore his surroundings...nothing was off limits. Sure, put that in your mouth. Yes, you can touch that. What does it feel like?
All of a sudden, he can get into things that are bad for him and I have to lay down the law.
I guess this is parenting. A struggle between your love for your kid that desires for them to have fun and enjoy life, and your love for your kid that desires for them to stay alive and in one piece. And not only that, but to become a person who is of good character.
I don't want to always be saying "no." I have to be conscious in the future of making sure that I say "yes" enough that Will experiences life. But I have to be willing to say "no." And mean it.
I'm just scratching the surface of this whole parenting thing. I'm going to need a LOT of help. If I struggle with saying "no" I'm going to struggle with a lot worse things. Yikes. God help me!
5.03.2012
The Dinner Dilemma
One of the things that is really important to me and Alex is making healthy, homemade meals through the week. This is important for financial and health reasons...and it ended up being an important factor in our decision for me to stay home.
When I was working, though, getting dinner on the table at night was even more difficult than it is now! I dreaded that time of the week when I asked, "So...what do you want for dinner this week?" I hated trying to come up with ideas out of thin air. I hated the time I was spending on just planning to get to the store. And if I didn't plan well, I ended up going to the grocery store several times in one week.
Not acceptable.
I finally settled on a system that my mom suggested: I started to map out game plans for 4 weeks of meals (now I have six). I went with recipes I knew were fast, healthy...and recipes that both Alex and I really liked. With our picky-eater syndrome, this meant no cheese, no cream sauces, no vegetarian meals, and no red meat. It took a little while, but I came up with menus and now I just rotate them around each week. I only wrote out 5 per week, leaving one day for going out somewhere, and one day for making something new or different or special (special in my book was anything that required a special trip to the store!). Done. No thinking, planning, guessing. One trip to the store every week and that is it.
I'm not completely set on this schedule or anything. When I get a new idea, I certainly try it out and modify a menu. Obviously things come up that change our schedule. I don't even stick to it each week. The point is that for me, a weekly meal planner saves time, money, and stress. On those weeks when I'm not feeling inspired, when dinners seem like a chore, at least I can pull out my meal planner and I know I can make it happen.
I'll share my menus...but this is just an idea. Everyone has to find a system that fits with their own personality, family preferences, schedule, etc. It's tough, but it's worth it! Good luck!
When I was working, though, getting dinner on the table at night was even more difficult than it is now! I dreaded that time of the week when I asked, "So...what do you want for dinner this week?" I hated trying to come up with ideas out of thin air. I hated the time I was spending on just planning to get to the store. And if I didn't plan well, I ended up going to the grocery store several times in one week.
Not acceptable.
I finally settled on a system that my mom suggested: I started to map out game plans for 4 weeks of meals (now I have six). I went with recipes I knew were fast, healthy...and recipes that both Alex and I really liked. With our picky-eater syndrome, this meant no cheese, no cream sauces, no vegetarian meals, and no red meat. It took a little while, but I came up with menus and now I just rotate them around each week. I only wrote out 5 per week, leaving one day for going out somewhere, and one day for making something new or different or special (special in my book was anything that required a special trip to the store!). Done. No thinking, planning, guessing. One trip to the store every week and that is it.
I'm not completely set on this schedule or anything. When I get a new idea, I certainly try it out and modify a menu. Obviously things come up that change our schedule. I don't even stick to it each week. The point is that for me, a weekly meal planner saves time, money, and stress. On those weeks when I'm not feeling inspired, when dinners seem like a chore, at least I can pull out my meal planner and I know I can make it happen.
I'll share my menus...but this is just an idea. Everyone has to find a system that fits with their own personality, family preferences, schedule, etc. It's tough, but it's worth it! Good luck!
4.16.2012
Eight Months
The biggest accomplishment of this month was a solo road trip to Dayton--just me and Will. I made it with no trouble, stopping every 3 hours or so to nurse and change diapers. I was so proud of Will on the trip. He was so content to sit in his car seat and play with his toys. He would take them one by one, inspect them, shake them, taste them, chew them, turn them over and around again and again, sometimes throw them, and then go on to the next toy repeating the process. He is so curious about everything! He wants to investigate everything in his path. In the tub, he is now reaching for my shampoo bottles, now that he has realized there is so much more to play with than just his own toys! He is especially drawn to cell phones, computers, remote controls, glasses and jewelry. He thinks everything is a toy. I hate it, but I'm already starting to say "no" to things. I want him to be curious, but he can't eat my keys or rip out chunks of Bella's hair, or hold my mug of hot coffee, or take the cup of water when I'm in the middle of washing his hair. I'm starting to have to be a parent! It stinks!
He is starting a few "pre-crawling" maneuvers, like lunging forward to reach for something and ending up in a lump on the floor. He can scoot around a little bit, but no real crawling yet. He is coordinated in other ways--he's learning to shake various shakers in a very rhythmic way. Impressive. He is also able to bang on things like a drum, and clap two things together. He has learned to hand things to me and I give them back. And he's just starting to be able to roll a ball to me on the floor. Sometimes I'm just amazed at the new things he can do everyday. I hope I am doing all I can to help him develop!
He is getting to be quite vocal. He sings to himself while he's playing, nursing, or riding in the car--it's pretty cute. He's starting to say a lot of "Goos" and "Gahs" and he's even started this funny machine-gun sort of noise. We'll go with it.
He is a joy. It is so amazing to see the joy he brings to his grandparents and our friends who meet him. What a blessing.
4.15.2012
Paradox of Motherhood
Last night was a tough night. Will would not settle down and go to bed. Even nursing, he would pull off and scream every once in a while at random intervals. It was so frustrating. Finally, we gave him some Tylenol (this must be teething related!) and put him to bed--an hour after his normal bed time. He continued to scream.
I couldn't take it.
After a little while, I went up to his room and picked him up and nursed him again in his room in the dark. I sang to him...and he fell asleep.
Even after he was asleep, I kept rocking with him. I was just soaking in the moment. As frustrating as these days can be sometimes, I will miss them tremendously when they are gone. I take advantage of every opportunity to cuddle and rock with Will knowing one day I won't be able to hold his whole little body in my arms.
Motherhood is a strange paradox. It is the greatest challenge I have ever faced and it brings the greatest joy I have ever known.
I couldn't take it.
After a little while, I went up to his room and picked him up and nursed him again in his room in the dark. I sang to him...and he fell asleep.
Even after he was asleep, I kept rocking with him. I was just soaking in the moment. As frustrating as these days can be sometimes, I will miss them tremendously when they are gone. I take advantage of every opportunity to cuddle and rock with Will knowing one day I won't be able to hold his whole little body in my arms.
Motherhood is a strange paradox. It is the greatest challenge I have ever faced and it brings the greatest joy I have ever known.
3.24.2012
The Many Uses of a Mesh Laundry Bag!
At the dollar store, I found a mesh laundry bag, similar to this one sold at Crate and Barrel for $1.95:
This is a versatile little sucker. I use one for lingerie in the washing machine (its intended purpose), but I also keep one under the kitchen sink. You could use them to:
- Wash toys in the dishwasher (especially rings and links)
- Wash bottles parts, baby spoons, bowls, containers and lids in the dishwasher
- Hold bath toys (attach a string or ribbon and hang it in the shower stall--attach to towel rod, soap holder, or a suction cup with a hook)
- Wash baby socks, stuffed animals, and other small items in the washing machine
- Hold sand/pool toys (maybe put the mesh bag inside a plastic bag to carry home, then hang in the mesh bag outside until dry)
3.21.2012
Reciprocal Love
Now that Will is 7 months old, he is able to show love to me. For a while this has been a pretty one-sided relationship...give, give give. Now, though, Will is giving back!
When we're playing on the floor, he'll reach for me to pick him up or to hold him on my lap. When I pick him up, he snuggles his head on my shoulder and wraps his arms around my neck and cuddles with me. When we're sitting together, he's even starting to lean his face against mine as if he's mimicking the way I kiss his cheeks. Even the separation anxiety he's experiencing in the church nursery, while painful, is such a nice sign that he knows me and loves me and wants to be with me. What joy.
When we're playing on the floor, he'll reach for me to pick him up or to hold him on my lap. When I pick him up, he snuggles his head on my shoulder and wraps his arms around my neck and cuddles with me. When we're sitting together, he's even starting to lean his face against mine as if he's mimicking the way I kiss his cheeks. Even the separation anxiety he's experiencing in the church nursery, while painful, is such a nice sign that he knows me and loves me and wants to be with me. What joy.
3.16.2012
Seven Months
Seven months. I am so blessed.
I keep saying that it just keeps getting better...and it's so true! I am enjoying Will now more than ever. He is a lot of fun. He has developed a sense of humor where little silly faces, voices, tickles, pokes, peek-a-boo games elicit adorable squeals of delight. He has started to give me hugs--he will wrap his arms around my neck and lay his head on my shoulder for several seconds at a time. I will hug him back and thank him for being my "cuddlebug." I need to make sure he always hugs his mother! I love it! I love knowing that he loves me. For a while there, this was a completely one-sided relationship. Now, he's able to return love and it is an amazing feeling. He has a different relationship with Alex, but he is still very attached to him. He looks for Alex before he goes to bed and once when he couldn't find him, he didn't settle down.
Now that he is conscious of this connection with us, he is also now conscious of when we are not around. This month Alex and I had our first overnight away and Will stayed with my parents. He did all right but according to them, he missed us. He cries when I leave him in the nursery at church while I'm at Tuesday morning Bible study. It is so sad, and it is so hard to leave him there when he's crying, but I know he's in good hands, and I want him to learn to be able to leave us, knowing that we'll return.
I have learned this month that there is nothing worse in this world than seeing your baby crying or in pain and there is nothing you can do about it. I will never forget how hard it was to see Will wheeled away in that hospital crib-bed and hear his cry piercing the air long after the crib was out of view. No matter how much physical pain a child experiences, his parents' hearts are hurting more. I never knew this before. I never knew this love for someone who completely depends on me.
Will's surgery this week reminded me of what a blessing it is to have a healthy boy, growing and developing normally. He really has only had one small cold/cough in his whole life. The birthmark removal was something relatively so minor. It was also another reminder of the lesson I first learned early on in my pregnancy. Will is in God's hands. He is in control. I live with an illusion of control in my life, but really, I have none. As my dad says, God can take us home any time he pleases--he doesn't need a surgery to do it. In His grace, Will made it through surgery just fine.
Will, I hope you know that your dad and I love you so much that we trust you to God's hands. We will do everything we can for you, to provide the best life we can for you. We want to provide you with safety, security, love, a good education, and the best medical care money can buy. But above all, we want you to find that true security and indescribable love is found in God. We trust you in His hands.
I keep saying that it just keeps getting better...and it's so true! I am enjoying Will now more than ever. He is a lot of fun. He has developed a sense of humor where little silly faces, voices, tickles, pokes, peek-a-boo games elicit adorable squeals of delight. He has started to give me hugs--he will wrap his arms around my neck and lay his head on my shoulder for several seconds at a time. I will hug him back and thank him for being my "cuddlebug." I need to make sure he always hugs his mother! I love it! I love knowing that he loves me. For a while there, this was a completely one-sided relationship. Now, he's able to return love and it is an amazing feeling. He has a different relationship with Alex, but he is still very attached to him. He looks for Alex before he goes to bed and once when he couldn't find him, he didn't settle down.
Now that he is conscious of this connection with us, he is also now conscious of when we are not around. This month Alex and I had our first overnight away and Will stayed with my parents. He did all right but according to them, he missed us. He cries when I leave him in the nursery at church while I'm at Tuesday morning Bible study. It is so sad, and it is so hard to leave him there when he's crying, but I know he's in good hands, and I want him to learn to be able to leave us, knowing that we'll return.
I have learned this month that there is nothing worse in this world than seeing your baby crying or in pain and there is nothing you can do about it. I will never forget how hard it was to see Will wheeled away in that hospital crib-bed and hear his cry piercing the air long after the crib was out of view. No matter how much physical pain a child experiences, his parents' hearts are hurting more. I never knew this before. I never knew this love for someone who completely depends on me.
Will's surgery this week reminded me of what a blessing it is to have a healthy boy, growing and developing normally. He really has only had one small cold/cough in his whole life. The birthmark removal was something relatively so minor. It was also another reminder of the lesson I first learned early on in my pregnancy. Will is in God's hands. He is in control. I live with an illusion of control in my life, but really, I have none. As my dad says, God can take us home any time he pleases--he doesn't need a surgery to do it. In His grace, Will made it through surgery just fine.
Will, I hope you know that your dad and I love you so much that we trust you to God's hands. We will do everything we can for you, to provide the best life we can for you. We want to provide you with safety, security, love, a good education, and the best medical care money can buy. But above all, we want you to find that true security and indescribable love is found in God. We trust you in His hands.
Surgery
Surgery. When the doctor first gave me instructions for setting up "Will's surgery" I froze.
It's a birthmark..."surgery"?
Three doctors said the same thing. The nevus sebaceous on Will's left scalp had to be removed. And it had to be done in surgery. Baby hospital gown. ID wristband. Fasting. General anesthesia. Stitches. Scar where hair will not grow. Ugh.
After weeks of dreading the day, yesterday Will had this surgery and he did just great. Now it's over and it's healing...all downhill from here.
I did very well (Alex told me so). I did not get worked up when the anesthesiologist went over all the information with us. I did not get worked up when the pediatric plastic surgeon came in to get our consent on all the paperwork. I did not get worked up when the nurse put the little band on his wrist. In fact, I smiled at how cute he was sitting in this hospital crib-bed with his little hospital gown on, playing with his toys.
Now when they finally wheeled him away, and I could hear his unmistakable cry all the way down the hallway...then I cried. I knew that would be the hardest part. Will must have been so scared. Everyone tells me he won't remember a thing and I hope that's the case. I hope he doesn't remember how it felt to be taken away from his mama.
While we waited I overheard the couple next to us talking about their daughter's surgery happening at the same time as Will's. I didn't ask about her condition, but I heard that they were in from out of town and had stayed at the Ronald McDonald House the night before. Their daughter's surgery was an hour and half long. What a reminder to me of God's grace to us. Will's birthmark is not a big deal. It will be off and it's over. All will be well. It's just a skin thing. There are kids everyday going in for life-threatening surgeries. Thank God that our experience is so minor! Talk about perspective.
After an hour, the doctor came to let us know that everything was okay. Shortly after that, a nurse brought a sobbing Will and his IV bag into the waiting room and called for us. I couldn't gather my things and get to him fast enough. The first thing I saw was the 2-inch cut on his head. I didn't realize it would be so big. I felt a little sick to my stomach.
Even in my arms, Will cried. His eyes were as puffy as they were when he was first born. Two very traumatic experiences in his short life. He didn't want the bottle I brought--he only wanted to nurse. When he was nursing he was calm. He wasn't even eating much, more just hanging out, but he knew he was safe.
He was awake, but out of it for a while after he came to us. His eyes were dilating funny and all he did was moan. No smiles, no familiar baby sounds. Just moans. He cried hysterically when the nurse took the IV out of his foot. Poor guy. I just held him close and sang to him, tried to let him feel like everything was okay.
Just like they said, after an hour and a half with Will, we were ready to go home. He slept in the car, and by the time we got home he was smiling again and more or less "normal." He was very clingy and either Alex or I stayed in close proximity all day long. Today already he's smiling and laughing like nothing happened.
But something did happen, and he'll have a scar forever to show for it. Of course every mom just wants the best for her kid. I hope we made the right decision having this removed and I hope he's not ever teased or embarrassed. I hope he knows that we did the best we could.
Alex reminded me: If we weren't born into the family, place, and time that we were, think how different Will's experience could have been. He might have been born with a mark that turned cancerous and took his life as a boy. No one may have even realized what the problem was. Instead, Will Hoffer went to three doctors for advice, went to one of the best pediatric plastic surgeons in the country for surgery, had drugs during and after the procedure to eliminate pain, and Mom and Dad's insurance covered a large chunk of the whole thing. And he'll be fine. No worries. Not even a follow up appointment!
Praise God for his grace. I will continue to pray and trust God for a quick healing and a small scar. With God, all things are possible!
It's a birthmark..."surgery"?
Three doctors said the same thing. The nevus sebaceous on Will's left scalp had to be removed. And it had to be done in surgery. Baby hospital gown. ID wristband. Fasting. General anesthesia. Stitches. Scar where hair will not grow. Ugh.
After weeks of dreading the day, yesterday Will had this surgery and he did just great. Now it's over and it's healing...all downhill from here.
I did very well (Alex told me so). I did not get worked up when the anesthesiologist went over all the information with us. I did not get worked up when the pediatric plastic surgeon came in to get our consent on all the paperwork. I did not get worked up when the nurse put the little band on his wrist. In fact, I smiled at how cute he was sitting in this hospital crib-bed with his little hospital gown on, playing with his toys.
Now when they finally wheeled him away, and I could hear his unmistakable cry all the way down the hallway...then I cried. I knew that would be the hardest part. Will must have been so scared. Everyone tells me he won't remember a thing and I hope that's the case. I hope he doesn't remember how it felt to be taken away from his mama.
While we waited I overheard the couple next to us talking about their daughter's surgery happening at the same time as Will's. I didn't ask about her condition, but I heard that they were in from out of town and had stayed at the Ronald McDonald House the night before. Their daughter's surgery was an hour and half long. What a reminder to me of God's grace to us. Will's birthmark is not a big deal. It will be off and it's over. All will be well. It's just a skin thing. There are kids everyday going in for life-threatening surgeries. Thank God that our experience is so minor! Talk about perspective.
After an hour, the doctor came to let us know that everything was okay. Shortly after that, a nurse brought a sobbing Will and his IV bag into the waiting room and called for us. I couldn't gather my things and get to him fast enough. The first thing I saw was the 2-inch cut on his head. I didn't realize it would be so big. I felt a little sick to my stomach.
Even in my arms, Will cried. His eyes were as puffy as they were when he was first born. Two very traumatic experiences in his short life. He didn't want the bottle I brought--he only wanted to nurse. When he was nursing he was calm. He wasn't even eating much, more just hanging out, but he knew he was safe.
He was awake, but out of it for a while after he came to us. His eyes were dilating funny and all he did was moan. No smiles, no familiar baby sounds. Just moans. He cried hysterically when the nurse took the IV out of his foot. Poor guy. I just held him close and sang to him, tried to let him feel like everything was okay.
Just like they said, after an hour and a half with Will, we were ready to go home. He slept in the car, and by the time we got home he was smiling again and more or less "normal." He was very clingy and either Alex or I stayed in close proximity all day long. Today already he's smiling and laughing like nothing happened.
But something did happen, and he'll have a scar forever to show for it. Of course every mom just wants the best for her kid. I hope we made the right decision having this removed and I hope he's not ever teased or embarrassed. I hope he knows that we did the best we could.
Alex reminded me: If we weren't born into the family, place, and time that we were, think how different Will's experience could have been. He might have been born with a mark that turned cancerous and took his life as a boy. No one may have even realized what the problem was. Instead, Will Hoffer went to three doctors for advice, went to one of the best pediatric plastic surgeons in the country for surgery, had drugs during and after the procedure to eliminate pain, and Mom and Dad's insurance covered a large chunk of the whole thing. And he'll be fine. No worries. Not even a follow up appointment!
Praise God for his grace. I will continue to pray and trust God for a quick healing and a small scar. With God, all things are possible!
3.13.2012
Solids: Stage 2
So after 3 and a half weeks, Will finally started to act like he enjoyed eating solids! He actually opened his mouth and ate quite a bit of the purees he was offered. It was time to move on and figure out the next stage of the mystery of weaning.
The pediatrician informed me that Will could now eat pretty much anything we were eating, just so long as it was cut up to the size of our pinky fingernail. Not helpful. When I gave Will tiny banana chunks that night, he nearly choked. Like, I had to pull him out of the high chair and hit his back til he coughed it up.
So, we needed to go a little slower.
Stage 2 weaning for me means:
I plan to continue this regimen until Will is 8 months old. I am adding some blueberries and some citrus in the form of orange juice added to some of the purees. Some sources advise against berries and citrus until 8 months, but my pediatrician said I could go for it.
Here's the list of things I have made so far or plan to make. (Many of these I will mix with yogurt, breastmilk, oatmeal, or rice cereal for another variation.)
Vegetables
Carrots
with apples, peas, dried apricots, sweet potatoes, green beans, potato/brocooli, sweet potato/potato, pumpkin, parsnip, parsnip/sweet potato, corn
Peas
with carrots, sweet potatoes, potatoes, potato/broccoli, sweet potato/leek, pumpkin, corn, green beans
Broccoli
with carrots, potato, peas/potato, zucchini/potato, sweet potato, carrots/potato
Pumpkin
with peas, carrots, bananas, pear/apple juice, apples, orange juice
Sweet Potatoes
with peas/leek, carrots, potato/carrots, broccoli, peas, spinach, green beans, potato/zucchini, parsnip/carrots, pear, apple, banana
Potato
with broccoli, peas, carrots, sweet potato/carrots, broccoli/carrots, broccoli/peas, corn, spinach, parsnips, zuchinni/squash
Corn
with carrots, peas, potato
Spinach
with potato, squash, sweet potatoes, banana/yogurt/apple juice
Avacado
with banana
Green Beans
with carrot, sweet potato, peas
Squash
with pear, apple, sweet potato, zucchini/potato
Zucchini
with potato/broccoli, squash/potato
Parsnips
with apples/carrots, carrots, potato, sweet potato, pears
Fruit
Apples
with vegetables (any?), pear/banana, blueberry, raisins/orange juice, carrots/mango
Bananas
with avacado, apples/pears, apple/orange juice, peach, sweet potato, apple/prune juice, blueberries, peaches, avacado/pineapple/yogurt
Pears
with squash, sweet potatoes, blueberries, pears, apples
Papaya
Blueberries
with bananas (roasted?), pear
Mango
with apples/carrots
Peaches
with bananas
Dried Apricots
with apple/pear, plum
Plums
with prune juice/apples
The pediatrician informed me that Will could now eat pretty much anything we were eating, just so long as it was cut up to the size of our pinky fingernail. Not helpful. When I gave Will tiny banana chunks that night, he nearly choked. Like, I had to pull him out of the high chair and hit his back til he coughed it up.
So, we needed to go a little slower.
Stage 2 weaning for me means:
- Offer food twice a day,
- Offer mixed-ingredient purees,
- Make the purees a little thicker (still no real lumps, though),
- And add yogurt to our mix of cereals, vegetables, and fruits.
I plan to continue this regimen until Will is 8 months old. I am adding some blueberries and some citrus in the form of orange juice added to some of the purees. Some sources advise against berries and citrus until 8 months, but my pediatrician said I could go for it.
Here's the list of things I have made so far or plan to make. (Many of these I will mix with yogurt, breastmilk, oatmeal, or rice cereal for another variation.)
Vegetables
Carrots
with apples, peas, dried apricots, sweet potatoes, green beans, potato/brocooli, sweet potato/potato, pumpkin, parsnip, parsnip/sweet potato, corn
Peas
with carrots, sweet potatoes, potatoes, potato/broccoli, sweet potato/leek, pumpkin, corn, green beans
Broccoli
with carrots, potato, peas/potato, zucchini/potato, sweet potato, carrots/potato
Pumpkin
with peas, carrots, bananas, pear/apple juice, apples, orange juice
Sweet Potatoes
with peas/leek, carrots, potato/carrots, broccoli, peas, spinach, green beans, potato/zucchini, parsnip/carrots, pear, apple, banana
Potato
with broccoli, peas, carrots, sweet potato/carrots, broccoli/carrots, broccoli/peas, corn, spinach, parsnips, zuchinni/squash
Corn
with carrots, peas, potato
Spinach
with potato, squash, sweet potatoes, banana/yogurt/apple juice
Avacado
with banana
Green Beans
with carrot, sweet potato, peas
Squash
with pear, apple, sweet potato, zucchini/potato
Zucchini
with potato/broccoli, squash/potato
Parsnips
with apples/carrots, carrots, potato, sweet potato, pears
Fruit
Apples
with vegetables (any?), pear/banana, blueberry, raisins/orange juice, carrots/mango
Bananas
with avacado, apples/pears, apple/orange juice, peach, sweet potato, apple/prune juice, blueberries, peaches, avacado/pineapple/yogurt
Pears
with squash, sweet potatoes, blueberries, pears, apples
Papaya
Blueberries
with bananas (roasted?), pear
Mango
with apples/carrots
Peaches
with bananas
Dried Apricots
with apple/pear, plum
Plums
with prune juice/apples
3.12.2012
Baby Play
I love the idea of heuristic play--kids playing with real objects and not just items designated as "toys." I think this makes kids think of the whole world as a joyful place full of discovery and learning experiences.
Inspired by the treasure baskets I found at TheImaginationTree.com, I put together a collection of kitchen items and put them on the floor for Will. He played for a really long time! He was enthralled. How simple--and how fun!
The next step (because I didn't want to get rid of all these toys we do have!) was to make treasure baskets with a variety of items--toys and non-toys. I made three of them. Now I rotate them around and let Will take the items out, explore them, and explore the basket itself (often his favorite part!). One day we'll be able to work on putting the items back IN the basket, too! :)
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