Am I Missing the Moments?

I've noticed a change in me.  When Will was first born, I was so in awe of everything.  Every little fingernail, every coo, every smile.  I wanted to soak up (and capture on the camcorder) every diaper change, every cuddle, every middle-of-the-night feed because I knew it would go by so fast.  And it did.

What has happened to that sense of wonder and awe?  Now I cuddle with Will and can't wait to put him down for a nap so that I can clean the kitchen or organize the basement storage space.  I turn my nose up at dirty diapers and want to get through changes as quickly as possible.  I let him play on the floor by himself while I prep for dinner.  I let him lie awake in his crib an extra minute so that I can finish shopping online.

I don't want to become this person.  I don't want to take him for granted.  I don't want to lose the sense of wonder.  I don't want to miss the moments.

I want to linger when I get him up out of his crib in the morning or change his diaper, and take advantage of those moments to talk with him and play with him and watch him smile and laugh.

I want to sing one more song before I put him down for a nap, and be fully present.  I don't want to be singing and thinking about what I'm going to do next, but really enjoying the moment with his head heavy on my chest.  I want to rest my cheek on the top of his head and just take in his smell. 

I want to take a little longer in the bathtub in order to let Will splash and play.

I want to take it all in.  It's a mindset more than anything.

And so when we took a walk last week, I pulled out the camera.  Just taking it all in....