As I've been meeting other soon-to-be moms, I've noticed that most of them are planning to return to work after their babies are born. In fact, on some of these pregnancy websites, it seems as though they assume that women are going back to work, constantly offering tips about pumping breast milk during the day, filing FMLA paperwork, and choosing a day care.
I'm in the minority. I know of only 2 other moms my age who are also staying home with their children. I recognize that each woman has to make this decision for herself and there are no two situations that are exactly alike. For us, this is the best choice. Financially, we can swing it (but it will be tight!), and it's the best decision based on our values. I want to be able to focus my Type-A energy on raising a child, building into our marriage, preparing nutritious meals, managing the household affairs, and generally reducing as much chaos as possible from our already unpredictable lives. I know that if I continued to teach on top of all of this, it would be one too many roles for me to handle effectively. I would always feel like I'm falling short and would live with guilt and frustration. I would always put myself last, not allowing me to visit with friends or go to the gym--activities that build me up physically and emotionally.
Some women have no choice. Especially in today's economy! Some women may be better moms if they continue to work and have that adult "outlet." Some women choose to continue to work for other reasons. I don't want to judge any other woman's decision, but I wonder if sometimes we make choices not based on what's best for us, but rather based on what we feel society expects. Women of my generation have been raised to believe that we can do everything a man can do--and even more! We can earn any business title, we can lead any organization, we can propose marriage, we can handle our own money and make our own choices. We can also bear perfect children, live in a house straight out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine, and spend spa days with our girlfriends. I believe all these things are true, but at some point, these expectations are unrealistic. Something has to give. It may be the marriage that takes last priority. It may be the job performance that suffers. It may be the children, left to nannies and housekeepers. It may be our own well being.
I love that women are now being raised to see the world as being full of endless possibilities. I believe that men and women should be treated equally and have the same choices and options. But I wonder if the feminist movement has also done some damage.
I recently heard Martha Stewart interviewed on an old Oprah show (from 1994). She commented that she considered herself to be a modern feminist because she is trying to bring value and respect to the many tasks involved with managing a household. This was an interesting concept to me. Maybe our society has lost respect for the traditional "female" roles? Maybe women (and men, for that matter!) are ashamed or feel inferior if they choose to devote their lives to their families? I think true equality of the sexes will be reached when women and men have the freedom to make any career choices, but base those choices on what's best for their situations, not on what they think society expects.
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