I keep saying that it just keeps getting better...and it's so true! I am enjoying Will now more than ever. He is a lot of fun. He has developed a sense of humor where little silly faces, voices, tickles, pokes, peek-a-boo games elicit adorable squeals of delight. He has started to give me hugs--he will wrap his arms around my neck and lay his head on my shoulder for several seconds at a time. I will hug him back and thank him for being my "cuddlebug." I need to make sure he always hugs his mother! I love it! I love knowing that he loves me. For a while there, this was a completely one-sided relationship. Now, he's able to return love and it is an amazing feeling. He has a different relationship with Alex, but he is still very attached to him. He looks for Alex before he goes to bed and once when he couldn't find him, he didn't settle down.
Now that he is conscious of this connection with us, he is also now conscious of when we are not around. This month Alex and I had our first overnight away and Will stayed with my parents. He did all right but according to them, he missed us. He cries when I leave him in the nursery at church while I'm at Tuesday morning Bible study. It is so sad, and it is so hard to leave him there when he's crying, but I know he's in good hands, and I want him to learn to be able to leave us, knowing that we'll return.
I have learned this month that there is nothing worse in this world than seeing your baby crying or in pain and there is nothing you can do about it. I will never forget how hard it was to see Will wheeled away in that hospital crib-bed and hear his cry piercing the air long after the crib was out of view. No matter how much physical pain a child experiences, his parents' hearts are hurting more. I never knew this before. I never knew this love for someone who completely depends on me.
Will's surgery this week reminded me of what a blessing it is to have a healthy boy, growing and developing normally. He really has only had one small cold/cough in his whole life. The birthmark removal was something relatively so minor. It was also another reminder of the lesson I first learned early on in my pregnancy. Will is in God's hands. He is in control. I live with an illusion of control in my life, but really, I have none. As my dad says, God can take us home any time he pleases--he doesn't need a surgery to do it. In His grace, Will made it through surgery just fine.
Will, I hope you know that your dad and I love you so much that we trust you to God's hands. We will do everything we can for you, to provide the best life we can for you. We want to provide you with safety, security, love, a good education, and the best medical care money can buy. But above all, we want you to find that true security and indescribable love is found in God. We trust you in His hands.
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