A Matter of Priorities

When Alex and I were dating, we were intentional about outlining our priorities.  For us, it was important to keep God first and each other second.  Everything else came after that.  This guided our relationship, forcing us to keep each other accountable for our personal devotions and making church attendance a regular part of our week.  It also challenged us to invest more time and energy in our relationship than our jobs or our relationships with others.  It isn't always easy, but we still live by these principles and try to remind ourselves and each other of what really matters, and what doesn't.

I've heard a lot of people say that becoming parents changes your priorities.  I know to some extent this is true, but for us, I know that our top two priorities must remain in tact.  Children have to take 3rd place.  This might sound cruel, but I have seen and heard stories of too many couples who have prioritized their children's needs over those of their own relationship and it is detrimental every time.  In some cases it seems like parents get so obsessed with their children's lives that they neglect to maintain communication and intimacy with their spouse, leading to the dissolution of the marriage.  Sometimes it seems parents are so involved with their children's lives that the children never learn to be independent--and the parents don't either, for that matter, constantly finding their identity, sense of purpose, and even sometimes their emotional support in their children.

I've heard it said that the greatest gift a couple can give to their children is a strong marriage--I believe this is true.  If we keep our top two priorities in tact, God first and our marriage second, I hope we'll be setting an example of a relationship that thrives, of people who are committed to our faith and our marriage, and that we'll have a strong relationship in tact when eventually our children move out on their own.  I hope we will give our family the stability and security necessary to allow our kids to take risks and find their own identity. 

I know it won't be easy!  I already dread leaving our dog so that Alex and I can go on a vacation--I know it will be really hard to leave a child!  But remembering our priorities will help us make conscious decisions and hopefully lead to a blessed life.