Yesterday I was telling a friend about my birth experience with Will and I confessed that I didn't really love him right away. He seemed more like a stranger to me at first. The love came with time.
But that's not true. Loving feelings came over time. Loving feelings came when I saw Will smile at me and when I heard him laugh. Loving feelings exploded when Will began to love me back. But love, the truest form of love I have ever felt, came the moment I saw those two little pink lines.
At that moment, I chose to alter my life and my plans and my waistline for the benefit of someone I couldn't see or touch or hold. Someone who could not love me back.
When I cut back on caffeine, that was love.
When I endured a vicious cold with no medication, that was love.
When I gave up opportunities on our babymoon to go in a jacuzzi or go horseback riding, that was love.
When I sat uncomfortably on the floor for hours fighting with the assembly instructions for a pack-n-play, that was love.
When I endured back pain and nerve pain and labor pains, that was love.
When I comforted those newborn cries, that was love.
When I sat alone nursing in the middle of the night, crying silently with the pain, that was love.
All the love I've ever known for anyone grew over time. As Alex exhibited his godly character and engaged me in soulful conversation and showered me in compliments and kindness, I grew to love him. I loved him for who he was and for how he made me feel. But that wasn't true love. Not then.
We look for love deep in our souls. We look for it in those moments when our hearts skip a beat and when we feel the butterflies in our stomachs. But we're looking in the wrong places. Love is more than that.
I couldn't know true love until I became a parent. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I chose to sacrifice myself to meet this little stranger's needs, to give him the best of everything, knowing he could give me nothing in return.
I chose to love him.
I loved him not for who he was, but because he was. Because he was, he was worthy.
And that's love.
"And God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8
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